Wrong trousers.

I just had a little blast of anxiety– tingles up and down my body, my heart sped up.  I’m wide awake and working, so I thought, “Hmm.  What can I do to make myself feel better, to keep this from becoming worse?”

I typed, “feel calm” into Google.  The first item that came up was apparently a blog called “ifeelcalm.”  I thought, “Cool, someone is blogging about ways to feel calm.”

Oh, how wrong I was. How nefarious and sneaky is that?!!

I’ve similarly gone down the wrong advertising rabbit hole in the past–  Once, I had a great old ottoman, and was going to get a slipcover for it.  I knew that a popular slipcover company was called “Sure fit,” and had a very basic 1-800 number, like: “1 800 surefit.”

I called, picturing swaths of fabric: velvet, corduroy, damask…chocolate brown, sage green, terra cotta…  When the other end picked up, a voice purred, “What size are you looking for?”

I ignored the strange unprofessionalism of the purr, and answered eagerly, “Um– I think it’s like two feet by three feet maybe?  And I was hoping for velvet?”

Turns out, the “Sure fit” number I had dialed was for a specialty condom company.  

(The correct number was something like, 1 888 surefit. )  The velvety voice actually continued to be helpful after my response, albeit a bit shocking in her suggestions.  Flustered, I rang off.

But seriously, who sets up a PayPal advertisement under the guise of making people feel better? Do any nervous people actually find their fears alleviated by following their advice?

And what about the poor fabric store/seamstress lady manning the phones for the slipcover company?  What sorts of requests did she have to mistakenly field?

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